I just got off the phone with my stepdad. He’s pretty much the greatest. I typically call him when I don’t know how to be an adult. Like when I’m filling out forms to get my own car insurance, or when I can’t login to my bank account, or when I know something important has been mailed to their address.
These types of phone calls have been more frequent now that I’m pretending to be an adult every day and don’t know what I’m doing. But I’m not complaining because it means I get to chat with him more. And one thing I sometimes forget about him . . . he’s pretty funny.
He’s technically retired, but really his job is to take care of their home and land about 10 minutes outside my small East Texas hometown. Mostly this includes mowing, cleaning, mowing some more, taking care of the lake, doing laundry, and then some more mowing.
Yesterday it also included killing a hog. We’ve known they’ve been around for a while. They’ve left their marks, but we’ve never seen them (because their typically nocturnal and my whole family goes to bed early). When my stepdad looked out the window, he saw one just hanging out by the waterfront. He didn’t think his shotgun would do it, so he called his pal down the road, a gun connoisseur, to help him out. “In all my excitement, I managed to dial Tommy’s number. I said, ‘Tommy come a runnin!’ This dude is out just wanderin’ around!”
This opened up a whole slew of stories about happenings around The Road, otherwise known as my parents’ “neighborhood” out in the semi-country.
“Did your mother tell you about this one? Adam told your mother . . . we may have a cult living next door. They got a lotta goats over there.” I’m laughing. “They had quite a few cars there the other day and I mean, goats everywhere. Maybe your mother and I can head over there sometime to rejoice with them. We got weirdos all around us.”
“Another one came the other day and asked if I could help him move a safe . . . with my tractor. Uhh . . . ‘I’m a little tied up right now. Let me get back to ya.’ I called the police to ask if they knew of anyone missing a safe. Sure enough a deputy came out to check on things not long after.”
“Excitement is all over the place! A couple of them down the road are headed back to the penn. Yes sir, we’re having fun.”
So I guess I can add to the aforementioned list of his day-to-day jobs keeping tabs on The Road.
Signing off, I said, “Thanks for providing me some entertainment this morning.”
His reply, “You’ll be smilin’ the rest of the day with all the stuff I’ve told you.” He was right.